


wait all night, if that's what it takes

by bluefire718



Category: Persona 4
Genre: Angst, Depression, Dissociation, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-07
Updated: 2019-10-07
Packaged: 2020-11-26 16:03:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20932937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluefire718/pseuds/bluefire718
Summary: He isn't quite sure how he ended up here.





	wait all night, if that's what it takes

**Author's Note:**

> or, as I like to call it, "self-projecting onto yu narukami: the fic"
> 
> Warnings for references to self-harm, suicidal ideation, depression, dissociation, and lapses in memory from dissociation. M rating is because of these themes.
> 
> the comfort is really light on this one. mostly hurt
> 
> title taken from the song "scars" by anna nalick

He isn't quite sure how he ended up here. Cold. Wet. Everything blurs behind a veil of fog covering his brain. Shapes are indistinct and hard to see, sounds echoing loudly in his ears, but distant. Like they're heard through an old radio. 

The sounds seem to be forming words, but what those are, he can't tell. Just more fog, fog he fought so hard to beat, fog that left everyone alone. With it gone, they were supposed to be okay. He was supposed to be _ okay _.

He groans, feeling his throat vibrate, clutching at his hair. Something soft presses against his cheek, and warm. He doesn't know what it is. Everything is dark. His eyes must be closed.

_ Open them _, he thinks, but can't. He couldn't see before, anyway. Just bright lights. At least this way, he can shut out the grating noises reaching his ears, can drown out the thoughts circling around his mind. 

Because, really, how did he _ end up here _? Alone, in a large apartment, everything sterile and lifeless. His friends, hundreds of miles away, all together. The meaning he sought, the truth he learned, seeming so far in the past that it didn't even apply to him now. Did it ever? He likes to think so, if only so it meant his friends are still living their own truths. 

Everything fell away, the moment he returned to the city. He became his old, withdrawn self, never speaking to anyone at school, never having family to come home to. Phone calls from Inaba were lovely and appreciated, but they seemed...hollow. Like a paper cutout of his loved ones that tried so hard to emulate their personalities, but fell flat and short. Leaving him more alone. Going through the motions. Feelings turned off to numb the pain of connections fading, of his past accomplishments deteriorating into dust. 

The sounds surrounding him seem so much louder, suddenly, and he realizes he opened his eyes at some point, hazy shapes and bright lights flooding his vision. No, he was supposed to stay in the dark, so he would stop thinking. Stop feeling. Stop living, just for a moment. 

"_ Yu. _"

The word cuts through the static, and he realizes he's sitting on his toilet, Yosuke's face swimming in front of his. It looks strange, fuzzy, but he can tell it's Yosuke. 

He attempts to take a breath, which is halted and gets stuck in his throat. It turns into a sob. 

It's then that he realizes he's crying. 

Yosuke's hand is against his cheek, slowly wiping the tears with his thumb. Yu blinks hard as more fall. "Yosuke," he whispers, hoarse, the name barely able to escape his lips. 

Yosuke smiles, halting and weak and filled with worry. "There you are," he says with a shaky voice.

_ What? _Yu thinks, still not understanding how he even got to the bathroom, or why Yosuke is...here. He lifts his own hands to Yosuke's face, patting his cheeks once, twice. It seems real enough, though the touch feels disconnected, almost like he's in a dream. Almost, but not quite. 

He licks his lips, leaning closer to Yosuke, eyes wide. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm staying the night...remember?" Yu doesn't, but something pushes against the fog in his brain, something familiar. Yosuke sighs before he can grasp it. "Do you remember anything?"

Vague images flash in his mind as he thinks. He was stumbling to the bathroom, clenching his wrist, heart racing, shouts coming from behind him.

Yu takes his hands back from Yosuke, touching his wrist gently and hissing when it stings. He looks down to find shallow scratches on his arm, trickles of blood staining the edge of his sleeve. "What the fuck," he murmurs, on accident, nearly thinking Yosuke says it instead of himself. 

Yosuke's hands leave Yu's face, then, coming to rest atop his wrists. Yu looks up to see Yosuke's eyes red and watering. "You, uh, started hyperventilating?" Yosuke begins, not meeting his gaze. "Said you needed the bathroom. You were… Man, you were scratching yourself to shit, so I ran after you and you started _ sobbing _and just…" He shakes his head, shuts his eyes and tightens his grip just enough for Yu to notice, but not enough to hurt. "I'm sorry."

The quiet apology seems to cut straight into Yu, sounding so clear compared to everything else in the moment. "Why?" he asks, genuinely, because what could Yosuke have possibly done? He's wonderful and _ here _and not miles away and Yu wishes he could remember Yosuke being in his apartment before this. 

"I said something and you immediately took off. I don't know why it upset you, but...I'm sorry, partner." He opens his eyes, strokes Yu's bangs from his forehead, the touch intimate enough that Yu feels a blush rise to his cheeks. 

"What did you say?"

Yosuke winces. When he doesn't respond, Yu presses. "Yosuke."

"I, uh…" Yosuke takes a deep breath. "I was telling you about Inaba, everything going on there. With all of us. And I told you h-how much I missed you. Because I do! I really do. But it...made you freak out, I think." 

Yu nods slowly, his vision becoming nearly obscured as his tears begin flowing once more. "I miss you too," he whispers, the admission sighing out of him. It seems to take a weight off his chest, exhausting him, his ears ringing and sight going dark as he leans--or, more accurately, falls--forward to bury his face in Yosuke's neck. His arms find their way around his friend's body, and he clutches Yosuke's shirt like a lifeline. It all feels unreal, so he clings tighter and tighter and tighter so he doesn't lose himself and drown. Even if drowning is tempting. To drift away. To escape. 

That desire falls away once Yosuke circles his own arms around Yu, the warmth melting whatever cold weight had settled in Yu's chest. "I didn't know," Yosuke chokes, his tone sounding as if he's come to an understanding. He holds Yu tighter and repeats himself, hesitantly placing his lips against the top of Yu's head in a gentle, reassuring kiss. 

Yu lets his tears run until his eyes are sore, then he pulls back to see Yosuke, because he doesn't know when he'll next get the chance. "I…" He coughs, clearing his throat. "Please don't leave," he says, body shaking and ears ringing, and he sees that Yosuke's crying too. Hands are holding his wrists once more as Yosuke brings them up, pressing a soft kiss against the wounds. Teardrops fall on the sensitive skin. Yu exhales a weak breath. 

"I'll stay as long as you need me," Yosuke says simply, like it's the most obvious statement in the world. "I'm not going anywhere."

And he doesn't, his arms encircling Yu for hours, his knees digging into the tile floor. Yu lets himself get lost in the sensation, and if, after the fog starts to clear as the sun rises and they're both so exhausted, he finds himself staring hesitantly into Yosuke's eyes and pressing a kiss to his lips, he doesn't think too hard on it. Not tonight. That can be figured out another time, another day. 

For now, they just need to survive. 

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this under an hour in the middle of the night, and it's unedited, so if there's any egregious typos let me know 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


End file.
